Language Instructions

  When I was young my grandparents taught me to speak Pennsylvania Dutch. Before you jump to obvious conclusions, no I can’t speak it today. The things you don’t practice, you lose. I can still greet you, say thank you, and follow simple commands. I can speak like a 2 year old.

  Maybe you have had this experience with a new language. You remember the first and the last things in a conversation. Somehow everyone seems to ask the same things and respond in pretty much the same way when you are first introduced. When that happens I can keep up with conversation, but when someone veers from my script I am lost and clearly a linguistic 2 year old.

  The same years my grandparents taught me to speak with them they taught me a new practice, they taught me to apologize. I did not know at the time that their people have been well practiced in being like minded, and because of that understood the value in apologies. Looking back these language instructions are an obvious pairing. Speaking a new language takes conscious repetition. And learning to say, “I made a mistake, and I’m sorry” takes equal practice and repetition.

  I don’t remember feeling phony or fearing that my words would come off as contrived when I was younger, but that is clearly an issue now. I would rather avoid, or otherwise massage the situation than walk into an apology that I am not committed to. I am sure that people can see right through my half hearted words spoken only to mend the social construct. It feels like I’ve reverted back to my, “fine thank you, and how are you” “yes, I will hold that hammer” “I would like milk with my wet bottom shoo fly pie.” Same when they know I am being coerced into talking with them. “Grandpa says I need to tell you I let all the horses out and that’s why the cabbage is smashed in side yard, sorry about that.”

  But when I think about feeling contrived I remember my grandfather telling me about accents. He was able to tell you where each person in the community learned to speak based on how they said hello and goodbye. He could have been just showing off for me, but I think he was really able to do it. He could also tell who had learned to speak his Dutch as a second language.

  Every time he spoke with a new learner he would slow down his cadence and make solid eye contact. He would wait patiently while the other person fumbled over word choice or stood silent themselves while they reformed their thoughts to use words they knew. He would gently nudge them to topic of conversation they could handle, and then smile wide when they found the right words to say. What had begun as awkward soon settled into a confident exchange.

Letter home from Lancaster

  Just the other day my mother sent me a package containing letters I had sent. These letters were written during my time visiting my family during my summers of character building. I’ve decided to share some with you as a way to gain a deeper connection and understanding. I decided to retype them for you, my penmanship hasn’t improved much over the years.



July 5, 1987

Hi Mom and Dad,

  I hope your day is going well. Mine is good. This morning Uncle Ab told me we needed to milk the cows again. He let me sleep yesterday because we went to the neighbor’s house for the Fourth of July.

  I don’t think Uncle Ab had ever done that before, he was glad you told him about the holiday. I don’t know how he made it this far without setting off fireworks. He really liked it, and he had some great ideas for making them bigger. Did you know that plastic doesn’t really burn, it just kind of melts and smells bad. And if you don’t mind getting your fingers burned you can make it into different shapes. And did you know that there is a plant that after you break it open you can use it to smoosh on your burnt fingers and it really makes them feel better, its like medicine.

  Aunt Kathy cooks really good food. She made enough salads for 3 parties. There was potato, pasta, warm potato and cheese, macaroni, spinach, broccoli, and macaroni and cheese which is not really a salad but was on the salad table. I had some of each of them because I know you say its rude not to have what is provided, and then I had 2 hot dogs and 2 hamburgers. I had some deserts too, she made 4 different pies with fruit in it and a wet bottom shoo fly pie. It totally cracked me up every time she said that name. Did you know that there is a plant for when your stomach makes those sounds that sound like something is grumbling under your belly. It doesn’t work as well as the burn your fingers plant.

  I really like our bathroom at home. I can’t wait to see you guys. Have a neat summer.