Solutions to your problems

  This is the first of a series where I endeavor to clarify some problems and then offer solutions. As mentioned before, I work in a large office. One where several (specifically 5) coworkers sit close enough that I could touch them without getting up if I really tried. Due to this geography I know a lot about what irritates them, and in turn what about them irritates me. I do not hold any festering feelings that need further delving, nothing like that. Just simple irritants.

  Never one to complain without enacting change, I have decided to share not only the problems I see but offer the solutions you need. “You” here is a composite coworker. No one person, but a portrait of many. I am sure you have met them, and sadly some of you embody them. But fear not, solutions are offered freely for all.

Problem #1 Foods you don’t like
  The problem as I see it dear coworker is you are way too picky about the foods you eat or will not eat. I know this because you complain 3 times a week about the food you are consuming, and once a week about the food you simply cannot consume because it is below your standards. This food finds itself disposed in the trash can as a noxious reminder of your overly demanding palate.

  If you did not make such a public display of not enjoying your lunch this would not be a problem. Here we find your first solution. Keep your mouth shut while chewing your food.

  I have a further suggestion for getting over food textures. Textures appear to be one of the main points of contention while eating your styrofoam encased lunch. This assumes that you care to change your texture aversion, as I strongly encourage. (A quick thought would be to not buy food from a place that was a Winnebago in a past life, but that’s up for debate).

  What you can do is travel to some new, faraway place, and stay for more than a week. Eat whatever is served without asking what it is. No questions like, “pollo con salsa verde. That means chicken with green sauce, right? Um, how is the chicken cooked, is it fried, and what exactly makes the sauce green? Are there hot peppers involved?”

  Although these questions are reasonable, you cannot ask. You must eat and then decide if it was enjoyable or not. If it was not enjoyable I offer a new set of questions. Would I eat this again? If I have not "eaten well" for a week or more, could this become good food? Would I rather lose my big toe than eat this again?

  When you return to your culinary home you will think anything could be good. Atleast you know it is clean and will not have any microbes that will tear you inside out. This method is especially potent when you are in a country that is really different and hopefully has a language barrier. So different that you see fruits that are not what you would call “fruit shaped” but taste sweet and nice. And you think to yourself, “well that was surprising, I might try that again, but how do I tell him not to put chili powder on it this time?”

Problem #1: food textures – solved. You are welcome.