The way my Amish cousins live together and build community has made a strong impact on my way of thinking. If an action or attitude is not good for my neighbor I must consider if it is good for myself. If there is a need in the community and I can help, I will try. Specifically if my neighbor needs to raise a barn, I will grab my tools and head to the job site. There is little better than working beside nearly every person you know to transform a small hill of boards and joining pegs into a shelter for your livestock and telephone.
Barn raising is an awesome display of many hands making light work. It has only happened a few times in my life, but for many it is a common occurrence. If you are not familiar with the process here are the high points. A newly established family needs to establish a new barn. They find the plot of land and make some plans. Then they buy some lumber and fashion the other pieces needed. Contact the community with the time (by now everyone knows the place). Request that people bring side dishes for the lunch break. Get out the bar-b-q and some chickens, and then the construction begins.
The construction is the wildest part. First you frame the walls, all four of them on the ground at the same time. Each wall has its own small crew of workers. The completed frame is raised into place and joined with its neighbors. Then add some trusses and beans, a roof and some sides, maybe a door and windows, and soon you have a barn. My description does not do the whole process justice, but it does illustrate how long the process takes. In the amount of time it took you to read these words you could have built a barn.
I do not get to many barn raisings these days, living in a row home has slowed that down for me. But I do get to participate in heavy labor with my community. This week about 15 inches of snow was dumped on my fair city, but specifically on my sidewalk and back alley. I know some of you reading only received 4 inches, that’s nice for you. To gain some perspective of what 15 inches of snow is like I suggest you stand up beside your chair. Imagine that the spot where your leg hits the chair is cold wet snow and you will have a fair picture of the height of our snow. Now imagine a shovel in your hand for the next 2 hours while you move the snow from where it is to where you’d like it to be.
The picture I’ve created is true but somewhat harsh. To complete the picture you will also need to image all of your neighbors outside working. Not just working but also talking and catching up. It was a great time to learn that guy’s name, the one who just moved in on the end. Or reestablish a relationship with the older gentleman up the street that works nights. Did you know that the young family down the street is pregnant?
I worked alongside my neighbors all morning. Cookies were passed around freely, we took water and coffee breaks. We even yelled up to the second floor of a neighbor who was apparently taking advantage of the time to sleep. We all agreed he had slept too long.
We made light work of that wet heavy snow. We cleared the cars, the sidewalks and steps, the back alley, and even the side alley that no one owns but everyone needs to use. It was a great time for community building. Next time the snow dumps (the coming week from what they say) I suggest you make a pot of coffee or hot chocolate and take the opportunity for friendship that it presents. Bring a shovel too.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Remembering the Good Old Days
This is not a story so much as a plea. A chance for me to share my hope for a brighter day. More specifically this is a time to say, “remember the brighter days, and do it out loud.” Tomorrow more snow might come, but today there is no snow. All I am asking is that you mention the good times while they happen.
Yes it is cold. Pretty cold really, but nothing a hat and some gloves cannot handle. It’s going to rain or snow tomorrow, but it is sunny today. And let us remember, rain and snow are helpful to we Earth dwellers, the water literally keeps us alive. The little plants in the backyard need it, I’d bet the big farms are glad for it too. Precipitation is a good thing.
All day long all I’ve heard from my coworkers is that the snow is coming, followed by speculation of how long this current scourge will stay with us. It’s more than annoying, I’m disappointed.
Yesterday and the day before were sunny brisk days with cotton ball clouds. The kind of day that makes me long to be a park ranger and roam the woodland tracking some large game. (Certainly, I would need a good jacket, hat, scarf, gloves, boots, and maybe a flannel shirt). I only get that feeling a few times a year and mostly I am grateful for climate controlled buildings. But yesterday was a day to run free and feel the burn in your lungs. I would have settled for reading a book on a park bench but I have responsibilities that keep me inside listening to my coworkers gripe.
And did any of them mention the great weather while it was nice? Phrases like, “you couldn’t have asked for a nicer day.” Or “dial up more like this for the whole week.” Sadly, no such phrases were spoken. They already felt threatened by the possible cold front moving in, bringing with it life giving water from the sky.
All I’m saying is this. If you’re going to complain about the weather you don’t like you can atleast give a little air time to the days you do like. Let me know what you enjoy so I can dial up a good one for you tomorrow.
Yes it is cold. Pretty cold really, but nothing a hat and some gloves cannot handle. It’s going to rain or snow tomorrow, but it is sunny today. And let us remember, rain and snow are helpful to we Earth dwellers, the water literally keeps us alive. The little plants in the backyard need it, I’d bet the big farms are glad for it too. Precipitation is a good thing.
All day long all I’ve heard from my coworkers is that the snow is coming, followed by speculation of how long this current scourge will stay with us. It’s more than annoying, I’m disappointed.
Yesterday and the day before were sunny brisk days with cotton ball clouds. The kind of day that makes me long to be a park ranger and roam the woodland tracking some large game. (Certainly, I would need a good jacket, hat, scarf, gloves, boots, and maybe a flannel shirt). I only get that feeling a few times a year and mostly I am grateful for climate controlled buildings. But yesterday was a day to run free and feel the burn in your lungs. I would have settled for reading a book on a park bench but I have responsibilities that keep me inside listening to my coworkers gripe.
And did any of them mention the great weather while it was nice? Phrases like, “you couldn’t have asked for a nicer day.” Or “dial up more like this for the whole week.” Sadly, no such phrases were spoken. They already felt threatened by the possible cold front moving in, bringing with it life giving water from the sky.
All I’m saying is this. If you’re going to complain about the weather you don’t like you can atleast give a little air time to the days you do like. Let me know what you enjoy so I can dial up a good one for you tomorrow.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Hunt and Gather
Maybe you have seen a group of hunters come back into the village carrying fresh game between them. Likely it was the end of the winter season. After the frost has broken and the Northern pass has been cleared from this season’s avalanches. You can see for what seems like miles through the brisk morning air. And you know for certain that the little dots you see speckling the horizon signify your weeks of waiting for a dinner filled with protein will soon come to an end. It will be a good night’s sleep tonight.
Finally a dinner made up of more than soaked cabbage and boiled potatoes. One that does not require you to decide you are full instead of truly being full. A dinner that requires chewing, not merely mashing. It will be a good night’s sleep tonight.
You have woken every morning with little more than a grumble in your stomach, looking out the window of the hay loft where you sleep with your siblings. Hoping that today might be the day when the reprieve will come. Arriving with the food will be your father and uncles. They are tired from the trip, but excited by the welcome the community will provide. Mother and your older sisters will be busy all afternoon in preparation and maybe even you will join in the work. It will be a good night’s sleep tonight.
Your memory does not include the negative attributes of such a day. How your older brother pushed the youngest to the side to get in line. Or how your uncle took all the credit for what was clearly a group effort. That the choice meat when off to your neighbor because your family still does not own the land or the house. Or even that your mother after all her hard work got no affirmation but instead went to begin cleaning up the mess. You simply went back to the loft and found yourself dreaming of the distant lands of your father’s hunt.
Soon it will be Girl Scout Cookie time. No doubt you have your favorites and memories from past years. Maybe you have never witnessed the mayhem and ugliness that accompanies this time. You look past the coworker, well into her 60’s, that demands she get two of her choice even though she made no previous order. Or the one that is shouting across the office instead of walking his old bones to where the calories lay in wait. Or the most pathetic, the person who loses a year of maturity with every step she takes toward your desk. The one that sinks from a well respected and capable peer to the conduct of a 2 year old. All of this because she saw her favorite cookies walk past and was told there will be no more. She is nearly in tears as she explains how much it would mean if you could please find another box. That you must find another box. She is unable to understand that you are not a retail store, and put bluntly you simply do not care if gets her thin mints. If she’s looking for thin she’s better off where she is with no box of cookies.
All you see are the pictures of smiling teens playing sports, learning about nature, and accomplishing their goals. You glory in every one of those young lives growing and maturing into the woman they can be. These wonderful feelings accompany the taste and smell of the cookies you were fortunate enough to receive. It will be a good night’s sleep tonight.
Finally a dinner made up of more than soaked cabbage and boiled potatoes. One that does not require you to decide you are full instead of truly being full. A dinner that requires chewing, not merely mashing. It will be a good night’s sleep tonight.
You have woken every morning with little more than a grumble in your stomach, looking out the window of the hay loft where you sleep with your siblings. Hoping that today might be the day when the reprieve will come. Arriving with the food will be your father and uncles. They are tired from the trip, but excited by the welcome the community will provide. Mother and your older sisters will be busy all afternoon in preparation and maybe even you will join in the work. It will be a good night’s sleep tonight.
Your memory does not include the negative attributes of such a day. How your older brother pushed the youngest to the side to get in line. Or how your uncle took all the credit for what was clearly a group effort. That the choice meat when off to your neighbor because your family still does not own the land or the house. Or even that your mother after all her hard work got no affirmation but instead went to begin cleaning up the mess. You simply went back to the loft and found yourself dreaming of the distant lands of your father’s hunt.
Soon it will be Girl Scout Cookie time. No doubt you have your favorites and memories from past years. Maybe you have never witnessed the mayhem and ugliness that accompanies this time. You look past the coworker, well into her 60’s, that demands she get two of her choice even though she made no previous order. Or the one that is shouting across the office instead of walking his old bones to where the calories lay in wait. Or the most pathetic, the person who loses a year of maturity with every step she takes toward your desk. The one that sinks from a well respected and capable peer to the conduct of a 2 year old. All of this because she saw her favorite cookies walk past and was told there will be no more. She is nearly in tears as she explains how much it would mean if you could please find another box. That you must find another box. She is unable to understand that you are not a retail store, and put bluntly you simply do not care if gets her thin mints. If she’s looking for thin she’s better off where she is with no box of cookies.
All you see are the pictures of smiling teens playing sports, learning about nature, and accomplishing their goals. You glory in every one of those young lives growing and maturing into the woman they can be. These wonderful feelings accompany the taste and smell of the cookies you were fortunate enough to receive. It will be a good night’s sleep tonight.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Summers with the Family
Since we are among the longest days of the year I find myself thinking of summer. I especially look to the summers of my childhood.
When I was young my parents would send me to stay with my extended family for most of the summer. The time was meant for me to learn about their different cultures and history, and give my parents some time without a rambunctious and overly imaginative child. It was fun, I learned a lot. But very little is applicable to my present life. Certainly it formed character as my parents had planned. But what can you do with a long boat and the ability to navigate with only your beard to guide you? Some skills don’t transfer to large American cities.
Just to clear things up, Vikings do not use maps in navigation. We use what God gave us, the stars, wind and waves, and an innate ability to understand due North by the way our beard curls at the edge. That’s why Vikings are always smoothing out their beards, they are actually triangulating their current position with respect to the sun and the southernmost tip of Norway. I cannot go into detail for reasons related to intellectual property. But it comes down to how you comb your beard and the metal in your helmet. The Vikings are surprisingly knowledgeable about magnets and hair follicles. Using this knowledge in tandem is very useful for navigation, it takes some practice.
I learned in the same summer that oddly enough the Amish have a comparable trick for plowing their fields in perfectly straight lines. Although for the Amish there are no magnets involved. It is a simple matter of keeping the mules in line with your shoulders and your beard equally aligned between your suspenders. This also requires a few summers of repetition.
During those summers I developed some intense calices. They would first start out in the open water with ore in hand. Thankfully I had plenty of sea water in which to dunk my screaming hands. Then I would move onto the farm to plow and bail for the remainder of the summer. Soon my hands looked like the leather pouch where my Uncles kept their tobacco. I felt good about myself until I returned to school to find I could not hold a pencil due to the quarter inch of tough skin between my knuckles. But I managed.
All of this reminds me that someone should shovel the snow off my sidewalk. I would do it but I gave up calices after I graduated from high school.
When I was young my parents would send me to stay with my extended family for most of the summer. The time was meant for me to learn about their different cultures and history, and give my parents some time without a rambunctious and overly imaginative child. It was fun, I learned a lot. But very little is applicable to my present life. Certainly it formed character as my parents had planned. But what can you do with a long boat and the ability to navigate with only your beard to guide you? Some skills don’t transfer to large American cities.
Just to clear things up, Vikings do not use maps in navigation. We use what God gave us, the stars, wind and waves, and an innate ability to understand due North by the way our beard curls at the edge. That’s why Vikings are always smoothing out their beards, they are actually triangulating their current position with respect to the sun and the southernmost tip of Norway. I cannot go into detail for reasons related to intellectual property. But it comes down to how you comb your beard and the metal in your helmet. The Vikings are surprisingly knowledgeable about magnets and hair follicles. Using this knowledge in tandem is very useful for navigation, it takes some practice.
I learned in the same summer that oddly enough the Amish have a comparable trick for plowing their fields in perfectly straight lines. Although for the Amish there are no magnets involved. It is a simple matter of keeping the mules in line with your shoulders and your beard equally aligned between your suspenders. This also requires a few summers of repetition.
During those summers I developed some intense calices. They would first start out in the open water with ore in hand. Thankfully I had plenty of sea water in which to dunk my screaming hands. Then I would move onto the farm to plow and bail for the remainder of the summer. Soon my hands looked like the leather pouch where my Uncles kept their tobacco. I felt good about myself until I returned to school to find I could not hold a pencil due to the quarter inch of tough skin between my knuckles. But I managed.
All of this reminds me that someone should shovel the snow off my sidewalk. I would do it but I gave up calices after I graduated from high school.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Your New Year's Goal
Soon we begin a new year. It’s an exciting time, and a great time for setting goals. We here at the Amish Viking believe that goals should be achievable and concise. I have taken it upon myself to set forth a goal for you the reading public. (I thank all 28 of you. We almost have enough readers for one reader a day for a month. To celebrate I have contacted your local municipality and organized a firework display in your honor Friday night around 11.58, enjoy).
Here is the goal. Draw a picture of the Amish Viking. I would like this blog to take on a whole new dimension. Since I don’t have money for those 3D special effects I will do it this way. I would like for you to illustrate the Amish Viking as described in the stories. Or create a scene and I’ll see if I can create a worthy story. I have no idea how this will work. I also do not know much about putting pictures up in the blog or how to give credit to the illustrator. I will be looking for help.
There are a few things I do know, some illustration boundaries if you will. They pertain to the Amish Viking and his look. Like the real Amish, He has no facial features. Like the real Vikings, He has a big red beard and wears big black boots. He likes simple clothes that can best be categorized as “Sand Goth.” The term “Sand Goth” was dubbed by my niece this past Christmas. (Copy right laws forbid me from naming her, but she knows who she is). Put simply he likes tan in all its hues. But his is able to wear other colors.
Each picture will be a one pane celebration of whimsical story telling. Do not take too long to create it. I realize I cannot control your creative process, beyond the above mentioned illustration boundaries, but I don’t want you to spend more time on the picture that I do on the stories. Sketch something, come back to it later in the day, make adjustments, and then send it to me.
I do not want spam or uninvited correspondence. To send your picture to my email you have to figure out the address. Look at the top of this page and choose the most obvious email name, its provided by that really big search engine that rhymes with schoogle. This is the first test to see if you can be part of the blog. It is also the hardest part. At this point I plan to post the pictures that I receive. (If I find them offensive or inappropriate I will simply delete them). If this gets really big I might have to create more boundaries, our illustration committee is prepared to deal with that if it ever happens. They have been asking for something to do for months.
Your goal for the new year is to draw a picture of The Amish Viking and send it to the email that you think theamishviking might have. G isn’t eMail nice.
I hope this proves fun for all of us. We’ll adjust as we go.
Here is the goal. Draw a picture of the Amish Viking. I would like this blog to take on a whole new dimension. Since I don’t have money for those 3D special effects I will do it this way. I would like for you to illustrate the Amish Viking as described in the stories. Or create a scene and I’ll see if I can create a worthy story. I have no idea how this will work. I also do not know much about putting pictures up in the blog or how to give credit to the illustrator. I will be looking for help.
There are a few things I do know, some illustration boundaries if you will. They pertain to the Amish Viking and his look. Like the real Amish, He has no facial features. Like the real Vikings, He has a big red beard and wears big black boots. He likes simple clothes that can best be categorized as “Sand Goth.” The term “Sand Goth” was dubbed by my niece this past Christmas. (Copy right laws forbid me from naming her, but she knows who she is). Put simply he likes tan in all its hues. But his is able to wear other colors.
Each picture will be a one pane celebration of whimsical story telling. Do not take too long to create it. I realize I cannot control your creative process, beyond the above mentioned illustration boundaries, but I don’t want you to spend more time on the picture that I do on the stories. Sketch something, come back to it later in the day, make adjustments, and then send it to me.
I do not want spam or uninvited correspondence. To send your picture to my email you have to figure out the address. Look at the top of this page and choose the most obvious email name, its provided by that really big search engine that rhymes with schoogle. This is the first test to see if you can be part of the blog. It is also the hardest part. At this point I plan to post the pictures that I receive. (If I find them offensive or inappropriate I will simply delete them). If this gets really big I might have to create more boundaries, our illustration committee is prepared to deal with that if it ever happens. They have been asking for something to do for months.
Your goal for the new year is to draw a picture of The Amish Viking and send it to the email that you think theamishviking might have. G isn’t eMail nice.
I hope this proves fun for all of us. We’ll adjust as we go.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Replacement Clothes
At this point in my life I have learned a few things that I would now like to share for your edification. As the year is coming to an end I am reflecting on my life and habits. Here are a few things to keep with you and ponder for yourself.
I’ve learned that it is a good idea to spend money on quality sheets. You spend many hours in them, go ahead and get the high thread count. I know how to control a team of horses (keep the strongest in the middle) and my way around small engines (hire someone else). And I have learned it is not wise to raid a Monastery. For real, those guys are disciplined and tenacious. You may well be successful, but the guilt will linger.
I have also learned in my thirty and some years that I do not need new clothes. What I need are replacement clothes. When my tan pants get all scruffy at the cuff because they are slightly too long and sometimes get wet and stepped on by my heel, I don’t want a new or different pair of pants. I want the same pair of pants, just not scruffy. And when the t-shirts that I wear every day get those dark marks in the arm pit that won’t go away with washing (it happens to yours too so just back off), I do not want a new style. I want the same brand, same size, same color, and same softness as the other shirt.
This realization became clear to me the other day when I was considering purchasing new boots. I realized that I did not want just any boots, I wanted the boots that I had 15 years ago. Those were great boots. They were durable enough for kicking around the farm, and tough enough to strike fear when boarding a long boat. Many of my finest memories wore those boots. And I want them again. I don’t want them in order to relive the past, but simply to enjoy today with boots that I know will be fantastic.
To this end I began searching online, I enjoy the convenience of shopping in my bear pelts. I had found a shoe site that had good prices earlier in the week. Yesterday I took a few minutes to complete the purchase.
When I got the right website I saw a little bar at the top that said, “HURRY only 4 min 28 sec left for free shipping.” As you might image I was pleased and slightly flustered. I began the process; first I chose the color and size (as these were replacement boots I was able to move quickly). Then I was onto mailing information (I am well acquainted with this information and I had the good sense not to look at the time). Then onto billing, drat I need the credit card. Find the card. numbers, numbers, more numbers. and a date, I don’t know the date. And then that little number on the back for security, where is that? This is not good, oh no, the time is slipping. Would I like rushed shipping, no, do I, no, I want the free one that will end in 56 seconds. Get to check out, click check out.
At this point a calmness that comes only with age and extreme stress came over me. I was able to rise above the keyboard and see myself clicking the check out button. My Above Me self guided the Below Me self to safety. While I was floating I also cleaned the dust off the ceiling fan, it had been bothering me for awhile. And the replacement boots were purchased. With the aid of my Above Me self I was able to buy the boots in 4 min and 9 sec.
I’ve learned that it is a good idea to spend money on quality sheets. You spend many hours in them, go ahead and get the high thread count. I know how to control a team of horses (keep the strongest in the middle) and my way around small engines (hire someone else). And I have learned it is not wise to raid a Monastery. For real, those guys are disciplined and tenacious. You may well be successful, but the guilt will linger.
I have also learned in my thirty and some years that I do not need new clothes. What I need are replacement clothes. When my tan pants get all scruffy at the cuff because they are slightly too long and sometimes get wet and stepped on by my heel, I don’t want a new or different pair of pants. I want the same pair of pants, just not scruffy. And when the t-shirts that I wear every day get those dark marks in the arm pit that won’t go away with washing (it happens to yours too so just back off), I do not want a new style. I want the same brand, same size, same color, and same softness as the other shirt.
This realization became clear to me the other day when I was considering purchasing new boots. I realized that I did not want just any boots, I wanted the boots that I had 15 years ago. Those were great boots. They were durable enough for kicking around the farm, and tough enough to strike fear when boarding a long boat. Many of my finest memories wore those boots. And I want them again. I don’t want them in order to relive the past, but simply to enjoy today with boots that I know will be fantastic.
To this end I began searching online, I enjoy the convenience of shopping in my bear pelts. I had found a shoe site that had good prices earlier in the week. Yesterday I took a few minutes to complete the purchase.
When I got the right website I saw a little bar at the top that said, “HURRY only 4 min 28 sec left for free shipping.” As you might image I was pleased and slightly flustered. I began the process; first I chose the color and size (as these were replacement boots I was able to move quickly). Then I was onto mailing information (I am well acquainted with this information and I had the good sense not to look at the time). Then onto billing, drat I need the credit card. Find the card. numbers, numbers, more numbers. and a date, I don’t know the date. And then that little number on the back for security, where is that? This is not good, oh no, the time is slipping. Would I like rushed shipping, no, do I, no, I want the free one that will end in 56 seconds. Get to check out, click check out.
At this point a calmness that comes only with age and extreme stress came over me. I was able to rise above the keyboard and see myself clicking the check out button. My Above Me self guided the Below Me self to safety. While I was floating I also cleaned the dust off the ceiling fan, it had been bothering me for awhile. And the replacement boots were purchased. With the aid of my Above Me self I was able to buy the boots in 4 min and 9 sec.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Bear Pelts
This time of year many people wonder how to keep themselves and their loved ones warm. From my experience the best answer is bear pelts. For the normal sized adult one bear pelt will do fine, for the young ones you might get a few coverings out of one pelt. If one bear’s worth of fur does not fit you comfortably you should look into a new exercise routine. You do have to take into consideration the creating of boots, but in that case deer skins do very well. For today I will focus on pelts.
Some of you might be unfamiliar with wearing skins and pelts, and it’s possible you do not have access to all the appropriate tools for acquiring a pelt. Again I will keep myself on topic, although acquiring them may prove to be difficult (but you’ll have great memories), the wearing of the pelts is very simple.
The easiest way to look good in your pelt is to begin with an attractive bear. Many people enjoy polar bears due to their eye-catching color. I find them to be a bit too flashy, and beyond that they don’t work with my complexion. I look best in a nice long haired grizzly. The red highlights of their coat complement my beard, but they are difficult to tailor.
Tailoring your pelt is involved, but I am sure even the untrained person can accomplish the task. The basic pattern calls for two large squares, generally equal in size. I say generally equal because it is necessary to be honest with yourself and consider whether your body’s shape is generally equal. Some of us have big barrel chests and thin waits, some of us have the opposite. Estimate the best you can where the extra is needed and cut your pelt accordingly. If you cannot decide for yourself (as to whether you are pear or apple shaped), I’m sure you have a trusted friend that will be all too happy to tell you.
After cutting your pelt it is time to lash it together. For this you’ll need a few yards of thin hide or innards and a strong tool for piercing the pelt. I find it best to choose one side that will stay tied together and the other that can be opened and closed for easy access. I am right handed so the left side of my pelt stays lashed together while the right side is prepared for tying off.
There are several variations to the basic pattern. Generally you need a hole in the top center and one on each side, assuming you returned unscathed from acquiring your pelt. Lash the two sides of your new bear shirt together as you see fit. The bottom line is if it stays between you and the cold it is working. Certainly some people are more interested in fashion, they can pursue further alterations.
About laundering your pelt. There is nothing worse than a bear pelt that has begun to get matted and foul. It’s best if you have a trusted pelt cleaner. But where can you find someone with those skills? So then you must clean the pelt yourself. But who has the time? And with the time it takes to dry without the assistance of the hot sun you are best off just waiting till the salmon start to swim upstream and do it properly.
You may have realized that if you follow this bear pelt pattern your forearms are currently open to the elements. As cold as it is these days it is wise to find something to cover them. Something in cotton is really the best option, several layers of cotton.
Some of you might be unfamiliar with wearing skins and pelts, and it’s possible you do not have access to all the appropriate tools for acquiring a pelt. Again I will keep myself on topic, although acquiring them may prove to be difficult (but you’ll have great memories), the wearing of the pelts is very simple.
The easiest way to look good in your pelt is to begin with an attractive bear. Many people enjoy polar bears due to their eye-catching color. I find them to be a bit too flashy, and beyond that they don’t work with my complexion. I look best in a nice long haired grizzly. The red highlights of their coat complement my beard, but they are difficult to tailor.
Tailoring your pelt is involved, but I am sure even the untrained person can accomplish the task. The basic pattern calls for two large squares, generally equal in size. I say generally equal because it is necessary to be honest with yourself and consider whether your body’s shape is generally equal. Some of us have big barrel chests and thin waits, some of us have the opposite. Estimate the best you can where the extra is needed and cut your pelt accordingly. If you cannot decide for yourself (as to whether you are pear or apple shaped), I’m sure you have a trusted friend that will be all too happy to tell you.
After cutting your pelt it is time to lash it together. For this you’ll need a few yards of thin hide or innards and a strong tool for piercing the pelt. I find it best to choose one side that will stay tied together and the other that can be opened and closed for easy access. I am right handed so the left side of my pelt stays lashed together while the right side is prepared for tying off.
There are several variations to the basic pattern. Generally you need a hole in the top center and one on each side, assuming you returned unscathed from acquiring your pelt. Lash the two sides of your new bear shirt together as you see fit. The bottom line is if it stays between you and the cold it is working. Certainly some people are more interested in fashion, they can pursue further alterations.
About laundering your pelt. There is nothing worse than a bear pelt that has begun to get matted and foul. It’s best if you have a trusted pelt cleaner. But where can you find someone with those skills? So then you must clean the pelt yourself. But who has the time? And with the time it takes to dry without the assistance of the hot sun you are best off just waiting till the salmon start to swim upstream and do it properly.
You may have realized that if you follow this bear pelt pattern your forearms are currently open to the elements. As cold as it is these days it is wise to find something to cover them. Something in cotton is really the best option, several layers of cotton.
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